Ever Been Betrayed By Men?- Read This Silly Heart Of Mine

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iturned my head towards the entrance of the open plan office where I work and there was this familiar stranger who caused me pain yet still made my heart skip. He nodded a greeting and I nodded back in acknowledgement. I could see traces of guilt on his face. I continued with my write up and it was hard trying not to look his way even though I stole a few glances every now and then.

I got up to pick up something from my bag and had no choice but to pass by him. He looked up and extended his hands as he greeted me warmly. I returned the gesture but in a much more civil manner that I managed to put up even though in my heart I wanted to hug him and tell him how much I missed him.

He said he asked of me the last time he was in my office and was told I was on leave. This piece of trivial information thrilled me to my own annoyance. Yet I cannot help how I feel or can I?

The language learning expert: Sara

I met Tunji October 2010. He was a client. He came for induction and was assigned to me to put through what my department was all about. We chatted on an unofficial note for about ten minutes before we got down to business. About ten minutes into our official gist he asked for my phone number. I was amused but I gave him all the same, he told me a lot about himself and asked me questions about myself.

There was no denying the strong attraction between us. He was smart, good looking and spiritually sound, or so I thought. We kept in touch occasionally via text messages after his induction was over. Reading between the lines, the text messages had undertone of affection and subtle interest but I could not afford to get carried away, till I am sure about him.

“There was no denying the strong attraction between us. “

We were good for three months until one day, I had called Tunji to seek is his advice on some personal Life Issues. He did not pick. I waited a while hoping he would return my call but he didn’t so I called again. No response! As I was going to bed later that night, I was worried because it was very unlike Tunji not to have returned my calls. I sent a text message to express my worry and concern and told him to please confirm if he was alright. Well he did call the following morning saying he was in church and that he would call back later.

That call did not come through that night but I did get a text message from him that read“My dear friend, I have no excuse for not picking your calls. I can’t even say I’m sorry. It’s just me allowing my life issues to get in the way of my relationships. Lola, you deserve more. You are such a wonderful person and fun to be with. Please go to bed tonight and give no thoughts for me. You deserve more.  I freaked out (you’ll do same in my shoes). What life issues was he referring to? This did not make sense at all but I calmed down and tried to find out when we eventually met on a date.

he asked me what the problem was and I asked him to explain his text message to me. He said there was nothing to it. At that point, I told him if there was anything he had to say or I needed to know he should tell me right there and then because I was falling in love with him and did not want to become too emotionally involved with him if there were issues that will stand in the way. He was silent for about two minutes during which he rubbed my cheeks tenderly.

The atmosphere was emotionally charged and I was close to tears. The love song playing on the radio at that point did not help. He broke the silence saying he was developing cold feet because like his previous relationships, he feared our relationship wouldn’t work. I told him it was up to us to make it work and that we’ll take things a step at a time. He apologized saying he’ll be a better friend and confidant. Indeed he was for another two months.

Tunji and I planned a date for Easter Monday and I looked forward to it. He did not show up for some reasons. Thursday morning, I got a text message as early as 5:30am, it read, “Lola, I know you are still upset with me. You have every right to. I really don’t want this kind of thing to happen again so it is for this reason I’m asking we put an end to whatever is happening between us. You are a wonderful person and I’ve enjoyed every moment spent with you but I can no longer meet up with your expectation.  I wish you the very best. Please understand and bear with me – Kisses”.

He broke the silence saying he was developing cold feet because like his previous relationships, he feared our relationship wouldn’t work

I was numb for about a minute before I felt the pain in my heart. I spent time wondering what went wrong, what we had was good. In fact at a point, I imagined there was something wrong with me (ladies please don’t ever think something is wrong with you if a guy walks out of your life). But indeed time heals but the process started with me forgiving him. God knows it was hard. I found myself reminiscing the good times we had, it was a struggle not to. I prayed hard for God to take the pain away but God thought me it was a process.

About six weeks down the line from that fateful Thursday, Tunji sent me a text out of the blues that he missed me and that he wants us to get back together. So we got back together

Afterwards, Tunji was sweet. We did not see but his phone calls and messages made up for it. He had stood me up again in one of our dates, then he sent me a face book message saying

“Lola, I know you are very upset with me. You have every right to be. I’m extremely sorry please forgive me, I just want to see you and talk to you again”.

Need I say, this message was not worthy of my response and I’m sure you’ll agree with me.

“He had stood me up again in one of our dates, then he sent me a face book message saying He is sorry”

Exactly a month after I got the face book message, I felt the urge to go on his face book page, and there it was, a stream of messages from his friends wishing him a happy married life on that day. Yup! He got married! five months after our first break up.

iwas shocked to say the least. I made enquiries and found out that Tunji was engaged shortly before we met. He’d known his wife for two years. I felt betrayed all over again but I resolved in my heart that he was not worth the trouble. The good thing is I finally got a full closure and saw Tunji for whom he really was.

So why does my heart still flutter for this scheming, lying and mean specie of a man? Well I guess the heart can’t help loving, and the residue of memories shared can trigger train of emotions.. The trick is to allow time heal the pain and let go of every vindictive thought towards the person. I constantly said a prayer that I release Tunji from the obligation of his offense and that helped with time.

“So why does my heart still flutter for such a scheming, lying and mean specie of a man?”

DOI regret meeting him? The answer is no! I won’t trade the memories for anything. You don’t lose anything by loving someone but you may miss out if you close your heart to the chance of loving and being loved.

Relationships have taught me more about myself, the love I’m capable of giving, what I’m willing to accept, what I’m physically, spiritually and emotionally attracted to. It prepares me to do things better and I don’t repeat the same mistakes again. 

So in the end,  I Win!

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